Saturday, March 16, 2019

Goodnight, Angel

Lulabelle: 3/15/05 - 3/16/19
Today—until God only knows when—is going to be tough. Lula has blessed my life with her love for and attachment to me ever since she was weaned from her Pug mom. I still remember the day I brought her home fourteen years ago... how small, delicate, and adorable she was. I had purposely chosen the so-called "runt" of the litter and, indeed, she could fit in the palm of one hand :-) That said, and as any human mommy of a runt will tell you, she also grew to be the feistiest of the bunch! 

Thank you, Lula, for fourteen years of unwavering love. I already miss you so incredibly much, baby girl. We'll be together again one day soon, but until that reunion comes I'll be here missing and remembering your beautiful, spunky, loving soul. I love you, angel baby. Rest in Peace. 


Sunday, February 24, 2019

I’m Sorry

I will never, ever put the cart before the horse again. As much as I wanted to finish HG for a Feb release, I simply couldn’t stay well enough—or cognitively focus enough—to make that desire become reality. I know I’ve done this in the past before, but I won’t do it to you again. I always mean well & have good intentions, but I’ve now learned it’s best to keep my mouth shut. 

I’m sorry everyone. I sincerely am. Every time my health takes a step forward, I swear it then leaps 2 gigantic steps back. I’ll keep you apprised of the situation as there are updates to give. 


Monday, January 7, 2019

January 2019 Update

Happy New Year!

First, what hasn't changed:

  1. I still detest Traitor Trump & Complicit Pence... or, as I prefer to call them, Moron Man & Church Lady 😏
  2. The wall is still facepalm stupid.
  3. Shitty health.
  4. No medical insurance.

Now, what has changed:

  1. I recently became ill to the point of having to be hospitalized. Cleveland Clinic was truly wonderful to me; I can't thank them enough for all they did during my week long stay—and all that they continue to do without financial compensation since my release. They have renewed my hope that, at heart, Americans are still decent and generous people. Some more so than others, but I digress...
  2. I had a couple tweaks done to my meds and have been feeling slightly better physically. (I've only been discharged for a couple of days so hopefully that will continue to improve.) Psychologically, one new med was added and it has helped quickly and noticeably 😊Long-term psych meds usually don't work on me this fast, but I began feeling relief within a day of starting them so *fingers crossed* that trend will continue! The all-encompassing depression I've been lost in magically (or scientifically) lifted; the suicidal ideation—gone. Even my baseline for anxiety has tempered, releasing me from constant, crippling, jittery nervousness. In essence, I feel like my entire being has taken a big sigh of relief 😤
  3. I've been writing again. I don't want to jinx myself, but I have nearly completed Hunter's Game! I am also working on No Way Out: Dari so stay tuned for the next update :-)

I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday season and here's to a blessed 2019. 


Wednesday, July 4, 2018

4th of July & An Ominous Writing Realization

I haven't celebrated Independence Day since 2016. I know I'm not alone in that regard because this is the second 4th of July in a row marked by a noticeably dismal quiet. No one of my acquaintance is hosting—or even having—a barbecue. Nobody who lives near me has set off a single firework. For all intents and purposes today feels like any other Wednesday. There is no laughter echoing through the valley, no loud music, no shared bond of hope and nostalgia with friends and strangers alike. Although the phrase has been used so often during 45's farce of an electoral college presidency as to have become something of a cliché, I truly do have to keep reminding myself this is not normal.

No matter where in the country I was living and no matter who the incumbent president was, Independence Day used to be the Christmas of summer—a day we collectively put aside our differences without even realizing we had done so and simply enjoyed each other's company at parades, barbecues, and picnics. Fireworks were a must! The familiar sound of animated crackling and boisterous booms would start at the stroke of midnight and not end until the following one. Then everything changed...

People used to muse aloud that the 4th was merely an excuse to get drunk and set off fireworks, but I don't hear anyone even halfheartedly trying to reassure themselves of that anymore. The sad part is, I think most of us really did believe it was just America's excuse to party hardy. Aside from politicians and other talking heads, few of us consciously equated the holiday with a celebration of freedom. Today, as so many of us continue to lose individual liberties on a daily basis, we finally recognize what we've lost and the freedom the 4th of July once represented. That freedom wasn't perfect and America still hadn't realized her full potential, but she was firmly headed in the direction of progress. With that proverbial rug having been pulled out from beneath us, it's little wonder that summer's Christmas feels like any other day in this dystopian version of our former glory.

As I sat here and reflected on what was versus what is, I couldn't help but see the parallels in my writing. Notwithstanding everything I'd been going through pre-election, I finally realized precisely what it was that had hammered the nail into my erotic muse's coffin. To put a fine point on it, as a woman whose works of adult fiction all revolved around capture fantasies (a PC way of saying rape fantasies,) it grows increasingly difficult to work up the necessary libido to pen more of them. In the pre-45 world, I felt in control of my life, my body, and my future so it was little wonder how alluring capture fantasies were to me. I wrote for similarly situated women who felt empowered enough in real life to enjoy giving up that power for the length of a book or novella. Fantasies are supposed to be in the realm of make-believe and stay there.

In today's America, I can't truthfully say I genuinely believe women will still have the right to vote in five years, much less the right to control our own bodies. Evangelicals and white supremacists have teamed up and turned this country into the fundamentalist Christian version of ISIS-meets-Apartheid. The United States of America is now South Africa at its ugliest inside Saudi Arabia at its most oppressive. Conservative white women may be living in subjugated bliss—at least until the oppression begins affecting them in ways they hadn't anticipated—but the rest of us are living in a twisted nightmare.

I used to dream of semi-retiring so I could move either to Paris' Montmartre district or to the tiny Shakespearean hamlet of Stratford-Upon-Avon. Whichever opportunity presented itself, I dreamt of spending my days typing away on a laptop at an outdoor cafe, writing my books in an atmosphere conducive to creativity. Now? I don't really dream. I'm not situated high enough on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs to think beyond immediate survival. I'm very sick, I have no healthcare, and I'm watching the GOP dismantle any hope for better days ahead.

On the rare occasions when I do daydream, my psychological flights of fancy are downright macabre: Civil war. Vengeance. Deporting white supremacists and rabid evangelicals. Watching 45 and his regime stand trial before The Hague. As I said, very macabre.

I know I've changed—and not for the better. But then the same can be said of America.


Saturday, April 21, 2018

Facebook, Non-Fiction, & Other Announcements

A few announcements...


I will be deleting my Facebook account and Facebook author page over the course of the next couple of months. The author page will go first because I have far less on it to download that isn't already backed up. My main account—uggh. That one will take some work! My decision to leave Facebook came after learning (a) I was one of the affected parties Cambridge Analytica took data from and (b) reading multiple press reports concerning Zuckerberg's recent cozying up to conservatives in an attempt to not be held accountable and continue to mine and sell our data. While A pissed me off, B made the situation irredeemable. The GOP isn't going to aid Zuckerberg for free so it's logical to assume Facebook will become yet another propaganda machine for the hard right.

Genocidal Smile

I recently removed my 1st and only nonfiction book from publication. I stand by every assertion I made in it, but I want to rework some sections and then include them as part of a new nonfiction book that encompasses more than I originally focused on. Do I still believe Paul Ryan constitutes a major threat to minorities, the elderly, and the poor? Absolutely. The speaker says he'll never run for public office again, but he will. In my opinion, the only reason he's "retiring" from the house is because he knows he cannot win reelection in the 2018 midterms. So he'll bide his time, hope we forget the atrocities he's committed against our most vulnerable populations, and reinsert himself into political life when he thinks he stands a chance. Paul Ryan has always wanted to be president... he will come back.


Now that I've made the decision to leave Facebook, there will only be 2 surefire ways to get my announcements: sign up for my newsletter at the bottom of the homepage OR subscribe to this blog for auto-updates. If you want book release information only, I suggest signing up for the newsletter. If you want book and personal updates, I suggest subscribing to both (or this blog at minimum.)

More to come

I'm still working on my adult fiction (erotic) titles, but I'm also going to be releasing R-rated adult comedies. I realize some of you won't necessarily like that—but!!!!—I've got to write the stories that want me to tell them. 

By allowing myself to be pigeonholed into writing "what sells" I've done you and me a disservice because I've accomplished almost nada. After testing the waters in nonfiction and satire, I now know I have an audience for that too. (HUGE relief lol) I don't want to be one of those authors 20 books deep (or more!) into a single series that invariably declines in creativity and originality with each subsequent title. I want to finish the series and serial I've already got looming over me and never, ever put myself in this position again. I've disappointed myself and let you down along the way so... yeah... never again!! 

That's all folks!

Until the next update...

Tina/Jaid xx